Moan for me like Helen Keller
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
