I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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