Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
