I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He passed out mid-signature
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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