It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
