Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
where am i from again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
