Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
