i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
