let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
