you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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