Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize