you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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