No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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