how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
