We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
