I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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