next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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