Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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