The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
