yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
