Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
