I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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