i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
