Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All the doctor said was why
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
