This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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