Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
