Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
