What did we do last night that was yellow?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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