Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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