matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
