now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
