my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
