It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
