mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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