My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
