pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize