K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
