I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
