my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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