You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
