He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
