He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
