Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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