My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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