just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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