Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
