I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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