This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
