It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
