im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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