happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
