I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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