Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
