I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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