i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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