Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
