so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
