The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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