If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
