I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
