I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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