I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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