i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just shotgunned beers for America
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize