So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
