Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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