Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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