During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
