I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
