He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
