im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize