Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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