His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
