I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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