yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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