I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
