I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
