his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
