I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
third nipple confirmed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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