just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
