May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
