the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
