the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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