I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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