you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
