Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
