I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
